Creative writing helps me heal:
She was all alone.
The cool mist lingered in the air and slowly danced around the trees along the wooded path. Just twilight, the sky was a hypnotic color of cool blues and light pinks, from a sunset just passed.
Her bare feet tread lightly on the forest floor. She had been on this path before.
She breathed in the sweet aroma of summer as it fades into the cinnamon fall. Deep breath in, deep breath out.
She rounded the bend and came to the overlook. She sat down on the cool outcropping of boulders and took in the slowly fading view. Valley below, mountains in the distance, the heavens rising up above.
She sat there quietly with her emotions starting to bubble and rise to the surface like a volcano ready to finally tremble, quake and erupt.
“Why?” she asked.
But instead of a question, it came out more like a startled plea. A desperate cry for understanding. To build a resolution. To make it all somehow make sense.
Would knowing make things easier?
Yes, of course it would! Then everything would make sense. It would be so much easier to understand. There would be clarity.
It would be a grasp at hope.
Would knowing making things easier, for you?
She paused from her momentary burst of vented, steamy energy. Sitting back against the cool boulder, she closed her eyes and felt the all too recent familiar sting coming from her eyes. Like the tide of a midnight sky, tears began to edge their way down her cheeks.
Knowing wouldn’t erase the pain. The sadness. Loneliness, fear, isolation – all would still be there. All the knowledge in the world couldn’t wipe all of that away.
Logic could never subdue her feelings of loss.
“What, then? What should I do?”
Do what I taught you to do.
By now, the twilight sky had deepened and the stars gently started their reign over the world. She felt the cool air on her skin. Eyes still closed and moist, she swallowed the pit of emotion that had been building up in her throat.
“Are you sure that will work?”
It does, every time.
“It all seems too easy.”
That’s because it is.
“And it all seems too hard.”
That’s because it is.
She knew what she had to do. It was the only way any of this would make any sense. The only way she would be able to handle it. She had been resisting it – thinking instead that her head could overcome the feelings in her heart. But it was all too much. It was time.
Just let go.
She opened her eyes and stood up. Feeling the breeze take her hair and swirl it in the moonlight, she raised her arms, closed her eyes again and lifted her head slowly up.
Let go. And let Me.
She started to cry. She fell into her emotion and onto her knees. She let it all go. All of the questions, all of the doubts, fears, anger, sorrow – it all started flowing out.
Her sobbing was felt. Her cries were heard. And, for the first time in a long time, her heart was starting to fill up with something new.
Not with answers. Not with clarity. Not with resolution.
But, with hope.
You don’t have to grasp at hope. It’s been there the whole time.
In her turmoil, she forgot. What she needed had been there the whole time. Still on her knees, she felt the slightest glimmer of the hope she had been so desperately trying to find. It had been buried underneath the weight of her pain and forgotten.
A dim memory.
She stood back up and took a shaky step forward. She was starting to remember again. Remember that she just needed to trust – not for a resolution. But that she was ok right where she was.
That while in the darkest valley of her life, she could let go and let God take her safely through. To the other side.
“I can’t do this alone.”
“I need your help.”
We take the next step down the path. Together.
It wasn’t an answer. It didn’t solve the problem. It didn’t make the pain go away.
But, somehow, it made her feet turn around and face the faded trail she was on with a little more strength. By this time, it was complete nightfall. The shadowy mist was gone and the moon was just starting to crest behind the rolling hills beyond the forest. The light from that rise was dancing among the trees, causing her path to be illuminated.
Her circumstances were the same as before. Her journey held the same heartaches and she still had the same questions as when she first started her walk down that wooded way.
There was, however, one difference on the return. She could feel it. In her heart and in her soul and in her very being. She couldn’t believe she had almost left it behind. And that’s the very thing, you see – she believed. How simple. How hard. How right. How true…
And so, coming back from the wood that night, chilled on the skin but warmed in her heart, reminded her of one thing.
She was never alone.